Hey, it’s Easter weekend! Happy Zombie Jesus Day, everyone. Although I guess technically that’s Sunday, isn’t it? So happy nailing people to bits of wood day! And what better way to celebrate past atrocities than by chatting about Samsung’s next fan edition smartphone, the Galaxy S24 FE, which has already leaked like a marshmallow diaper all over the internet? So yeah, let’s do that then. I love you, Jesus. Let’s begin by pondering Samsung’s fan edition line-up.
First, for anyone unfamiliar with these phones, that name is perhaps a little bit misleading. They’re not exactly devices made for fans; they’re more like a slightly cheaper alternative to Samsung’s flagship phones with not quite as good specs. But then, I guess the name of this phone would be the Galaxy S24 Scats of Bunkwigs. Which is a bit bollocks, isn’t it? Not even marketing dickheads would be happy with that one, not even the geniuses who paid Robert Downey Jr. millions of quids for those HTC atrocities. The most recent fan edition phone was the Samsung Galaxy S23 FE, which somewhat inexplicably came out at the end of last year, 11 months after the S23 launch and just one month before the S24 series debuted. Like, did Samsung just party crazy hard after launching the S23 series and then wake up in a puddle of its own juices around November time and be like, ah st, we better do that fan edition? The S23 FE cost £600, despite offering more sketchy performance and worse battery life than the flagships. Considering that at this point in time you could easily find a deal on the Galaxy S23 full-fat flagship phone for around the same sort of price, the S23 FE was frankly about as enticing as a pub panini. I just hope that the December release date didn’t mean that loads of people ended up yanking one of these out of their Christmas stockings. A holly jolly surprise that’s right up there with a special festive show of Winnie the Pooh blood and honey. The director’s cut version, no less, has a special deleted scene of Piglet fking rabbit with a carrot strap on before fking both him and Owl and fking their ck right off. So for the Galaxy S24 fan edition, Samsung kind of needs to sort a few things out. For the first half of 2024 rather than right at the end, just before a fresh line of flagship phones is announced. And secondly, performance, as in, don’t make it slow and crap like the Galaxy S23 FE was. Somewhat unbelievably, the brains of this fan edition phone were the creaky old Exynos 2200, the very same chipset that was stuffed inside the Galaxy S22 almost 24 months prior. And frankly, the 2200 chip was already as powerful as a gerbil’s fart when it was brand new, let alone two bloody years old.
So it’s no surprise that the Galaxy S23 FE struggled somewhat when faced with games like Genshin Impact. And by struggled somewhat, I basically mean if this phone had pants, they would be absolute tatters. Well, then, good news, kids, because apparently the Galaxy S24 Fan Edition will be a much more capable beast if the latest leaks and rumors aren’t a barrel of fresh anal expulsions. Apparently, the upcoming fan edition may come packing the same chipset as the regular Galaxy S24, so the Snapdragon Agen 3 if you’re lucky enough to live somewhere like the States, and the Exynos 2400 if you’re stuck here in a rather moist and dismal blighty. This choice of chipset would be a pleasant surprise for sure, although the regular Galaxy S24 that we had here in the UK with those Exynos brains did still struggle somewhat when it came to gaming on the likes of Genshin Impact, as that compact design seemed to cause some thermal issues. Still, fan editions tend to be a bit on the bigger side; the S23FE, for instance, was a 6.4 incher, sitting neatly between the vanilla and the plus-sized S23 models, and as gaming on Genshin was a smoother experience on that bigger S24, it is hoping we’ll get similarly good performance from an S24FE, even with that exonist still in charge. But of course, if this all-new fan edition sports the exact same chipset as the regular Galaxy S24, some compromises are going to have to be made in other areas to drive that price down. That camera tech seems like the first obvious area where sacrifices could be made, so I’d expect a very similar setup to the S23 FE, including a 50-megapixel primary shooter using one of Samsung’s own sensors, plus a basic ultrawide and telephoto sensor that are there if you need them, but overall not much. That display will be a more basic AMOLED panel lacking that LTPo tech, and rumors point to another 4,500 mAh capacity battery, the same as the S23 FE, but with the same tediously slow 25W wired charging support and 15W wireless charging. As for the software, well, Samsung should slap on the same OneUI 6.1 experience as those full-priced flagships. AI cockery and all. However, don’t expect the full seven years of OS and security updates that Samsung is promising with the regular Galaxy S24 flagships. Much more likely, as you’ll get around 4 years of software support instead, which, to be fair, is still really good. Say you got arrested for drunkenly flashing the local netball team and then stealing their bus and ram-raising a crematorium because you mistook it for an office. You wouldn’t even get four years in prison. Don’t ask me how I know that. There is no word yet on when the Galaxy S24 Fan Edition is likely to launch, but I’m hoping we don’t have to wait the best part of a year for it. Although if you’re super keen and really impatient, you could just borrow Samsung’s plan of getting incomprehensibly twatted so you pass out for several months and wake up just in time for the launch. Anyway, that’s what we know so far about the Samsung Galaxy S24 FE and what I would personally like to see as well, but what about yourself? What’s on your wish list? Has the thought of a Galaxy S24 FE got bits of you going all pointy, or has your enthusiasm dropped to the level of a pensioner’s happy sack? Well, definitely, please let us know by typing words that accurately represent your feelings in the comments section below. And now it’s time for the part of the show that Jesus would probably enjoy even less than the thought of everyone stuffing their faces with Cadbury’s cream eggs just to celebrate his gruesome demise. Here’s the viewer’s comment. Viewer comments. Okay, let’s start this week with Katharina Willsy. You eat Katharina, who says the level of intellectual curiosity in this community is invigorating, says it’s a joy to be surrounded by such inquisitive minds. And that’s very, er, wait, what? Oh wait, the profile picture for this user is literally an arse, and this is just one of those weird sex bots, isn’t it? I did get a bit suspicious when the comment was weirdly complimentary; otherwise, I suppose it could have just been extreme sarcasm. Next up, 300Jaw says, You said, I’m sure that Milton Keynes is absolutely lovely. You haven’t actually been there yet, have you? Okay, so no, I obviously haven’t, but like everywhere, it surely has its good points. Like, even Suntland has… Okay, yeah. Chris56269 says, It seems like everyone and everything has their own convention or show. When and where will we get Spurtcon? Bloody hell, the mind absolutely boggles. I mean, Spurtcon kind of sounds like some sort of weird Japanese hentai expo or something. You know, the ones where you get 60-year-old men selling mouse mats that basically double as softcore porn, where the wrist rest is just a massive pair of tits. Yeah, spurt corn. If that were actually a thing, it would take place in a small pub, and about five people would turn up, three of them by accident. They would all just get absolutely hammered and then just never speak of it again. Mike4277 says, My house is haunted, and then uses a uses a crying face emoji. I’m actually sniffing a potential spinoff channel here, like ghost spurt, ecto spurt, essentially just me in a semi-cormotor state, standard, stumbling around somewhere that’s haunted as balls, trying somehow to make contact with the great beyond despite the fact that I’m incapable of basic speech. Spirits with spirits? I dunno, I need some work. LinkATNable says, Dude, what football team do you support? Sigh. The one that’s in the championship still somehow, after several weeks, doesn’t have a manager, and frankly, I don’t know what’s going on. What I do know is that I have whiskey, and that’s all that matters. Unsurprisingly, after last week’s show was about the Xperia 1 Mark 6, we’ve got frigging loads of comments all about Sony’s upcoming flagship. Steve LBMK says thanks for the update on the Xperia 1 Mark 6. I know even less about the phone than I did before your review, which was the usual speculative shenanigans. Some people do say to me that I’m a sort of educational black hole, because the more that you listen to me, the dumber you actually become.
As Steve continues, maybe you could make up a load of bollocks about the Xperia 5 Mark 6. And absolutely, sir, definitely check back soon for a full random specs roundup that I just pulled out of my arse on that bad boy. A1Dan says I’ll have just finished paying off the Xperia 1 Mark 4 by then. And Tenom says, for fk sakes, I can’t believe this comes the day after I ordered my Xperia 1 Mark 5. Well, let’s be optimistic, mate. I mean, it might still be a couple of months until the Xperia 1 Mark 6 is even launched, you know, maybe. To be honest, my predictions are usually about as accurate as the average aid ball or Chinese fortune cookie, so I think you’re probably all right. James Atkin has quite a sensible wish list here. He says, I’d like to see a lower price, more than two years of updates, and most importantly, a decent camera app that takes really nice pictures automatically. And if Sony actually does all that, they’ll pretty much have the perfect phone, so yeah, that would be bloody lovely. UU Tech says, I hope Sony doesn’t increase their software updates so I can watch more people cry about it. I mean, that’s just mean. Hilarious, but mean. Dope As Vegan says, I don’t even remember the phone he’s reviewing. Neither do I, mate. It’s pretty standard. He also says, What happened to the tech part of this channel? This is just vitriol. I mean, to be fair, the technical part of it has always been a bit of an afterthought. Given your username, I’m assuming you didn’t appreciate the joke about the vegan sausage that I made in the previous episode. Not even a vegan sausage, which I’m going to just assume is mashed up grass cuttings all sonotaped together. Here’s what I made earlier. I would apologize, but I really don’t give a fck. John The moderator says the return of the Walkman app would be good. I’ll tell you what, I do miss the Walkman phones as well, which just further exposes my age. But yeah, it was the W810 that I believe I had. I just looked it up; that’s the one. You had edge support for ultra-fast networking, support for up to four gigabyte memory sticks, and a whopping two-megapixel camera. Tell you, I’m at half mass just thinking about it. Sybes says, I just want a proper Xperia Compact again, an update to the Xperia XZ1 Compact with the same footprint, small bezels, a bigger battery, and a bette camera. Oh my fing god, yes, please. I absolutely adore the tits off of those Xperia compacts; they were so good. It was bright, bold, and lovably dinky, so you could fit them into your pants without feeling like your pancreas was about to burst out of your arsehole. Maradene Angeline says, What’s your favorite whiskey, Uncle Spurt? To be honest, I’m really, really not picky. As long as it burns my soul and makes me not think thoughts anymore, then it’s all good with me.
Sam says a 55 review anytime soon is great news. Sam has already done it, mate. I went live on Monday. I believe it was I rather ruddy like it, gotta say really like the new premium metal build and everything. But of course, there are lots of hot rivals in that mid-range sector. So I had to go check out my roundup of the best mid-range phones for all of the hot competition there. Salman Rashid simply says, Wow, now is that a good wow, or is that, oh my god? I just saw a person get ripped in half by a pissed-off rhino, and now it’s charging straight at my face. Kind of wow. I’m going to go ahead and guess the second one. I’ve already run out of time spent making these last couple of comments. The SFC channel says, Hey, mate, I’ve always wondered, since you have more hair on your chin than on your head, do people wonder if you have your head upside down? I mean, I probably do look better that way, but then I probably would also look better if I just painted eyeballs on my arse cheeks and filmed myself while doing a handstand. Iramagui says, Uncle spurt for prime minister. I mean, my swearing in ceremony or whatever would probably be a massive piss up that would last for like six months or something, and when I eventually regained consciousness and sobered up a bit, everything would have already gone a bit 28 days later. And last up for this week, Paul Graves says, Do you want to buy a giraffe?
There are so many questions right now, but yeah, I kind of do. Anyway, a massive thank you to everyone who commented last week. Please do smash your comments down below. I’ll try to read out as many of those as possible next week, and speaking of next week, Next week, next week, what the fuck is next week? So you may have seen that my S24 Ultra review finally went live this week; it only took a couple of months. I’m currently working on the reviews of a couple more phones that I really should have, the Vivo X100 and, of course, the Pixel 8 Pro, so expect one or both of those to emerge next week.
